Is this even possible? How viable, attainable, feasible is it? How to stop thinking about someone you love deeply is one topic that only writing about my experience will feel on this page. It comes to a stage in life where some chapters, no matter how painful it is, need to be closed.
Now, the question is this, how can we close this chapter and move on to the next chapter?
Learning is a process, and when it comes to stop thinking about someone you love deeply or dearly, you need to learn how to do it too. Whether you have just broken up with a partner or suffered a full-blown divorce, separating from someone you loved and have grown fond of is never easy.
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Sometimes, it may feel like you’ll never be happy again, or never love anyone again. You are right, during moments like these, all these feelings are valid because your thoughts are clouded.
You might have felt like this person was the only one who loved you dearly, and who you can’t live without. Don’t give in to these thoughts, they will come, but don’t let these thoughts have a permanent place within you.
The truth is that with positivity, patience, and determination, you can always find your way out of romantic entanglement without losing yourself in it.
How to Stop Thinking About Someone You Love Deeply.
1. Get Rid of Things That Remind You of Them.
If you want your sanity back, and your heart at the right place and position, then I’ll highly recommend you ditch and get rid of everything that reminds you of them. This may sound childish or illogical, but in the long run, you will be able to think about your old partner without being overcome with emotion. However, this time is not at this stage where everything is still fresh.
When the split is still fresh, there would certainly be things around that reminded you of your time together with this person, and this will certainly lead to intense feelings of nostalgia, sadness, and regret. To halt this feeling of sadness, regret, and sometimes, going back to apologize and accept whatever conditions that made you say no, it’s a good idea to get rid of things in your life that remind you of your relationship.
To do this, check for items that you can giveaway, and if there are items you can’t stand to throw away or give to charities, etc, then I will suggest you try packing them into boxes and keeping them somewhere out of the way.
Here are a few things that I suggest you look out for when finding things to get rid of your ex:
- Gifts your ex gave you.
- Your ex’s possessions that they left with you.
- Music or mixtapes that your ex made for you.
- Pictures, drawings, or artwork that reminds you of your ex.
Immediately Ditch Social Media.
Isn’t ditching social media too extreme? For your emotional health, it’s advisable. Social media is a virtual version of you or the person you want the world to know. This means that social media says a lot about you because that is where you share your thoughts, viewpoints, etc.
After break up, the next place people rush to, is social media, doing things, saying things that they might likely regret in the nearest future.
Shazia, who has a master’s in psychology, and specializes in separation and divorce counseling, says and I quote:
“During the first phase of divorce when it’s fresh, it’s recommendable to ditch social media. This will definitely help you in getting over someone you once loved. Out of sight, out of mind is a great way to deal with the process of how to stop thinking about someone you love deeply. When you don’t see their photos, posts and life events, which is likely to be shared or documented on their social media, it becomes much easier to forget them and focus on something else.”
There are applaudable reasons why ditching social media during the course of forgetting about your ex and vanquishing the love you have for them, especially if your ex is very active on social media.
- STALKING: Through the aid of social media, you’ll be able to keep tabs of your ex activities, and keep tabs on them. There’s the possibility of seeing their activities, and if they are happy (which most people tend to portray after a breakup), you’ll start questioning your entire life choices.
- Seeking Closure: Another reason why it’s advisable to be wary of social media is this. You may likely want to seek answers from them, as to why things did not work out. So avoiding social media during this period will aid you not to know what is currently going on in their life and move on with your life as well.
- Want to be Casual Friends: Here is another mistake that can easily be achieved via social media. After breaking up with your significant other, the idea of being a casual friend with your ex sounds so good, because you want to keep them in your life. Honestly, after a breakup, this preposition/idea is NOT ADVISABLE AT ALL. The wound is still hurting, emotions beyond understanding are still very much active, and being friends with your ex during this period of time can end up being toxic, more hurtful, confusing, and complicated. At least, when you’re healed, you can be friends without any attachment.
- Shut them Out of Your Life: It’s as simple as that. Cut them off your life right now, till you know you’re healed and well enough to speak to/with them without feeling emotional, or the need for explanation, etc. Their presence will bring more chaos into your life. When you see or hear about them, the feelings, emotions, and memories will come rushing back, so save yourself this stress till you are strong enough. Shazia suggests, “Ditching social media definitely helps in getting over someone. Out of sight, out of mind is a great way to deal with the process of how to get over someone you love who doesn’t love you back. When you don’t see their photos, posts, and life events, it becomes much easier to forget them and focus on something else.”
3. Start Exercising:
Another viable and working method to stop thinking about someone you deeply love is through exercise. It takes your mind off what is disturbing you, and set an achievable goal for you.
You can easily boost your spirits with physical and mental activity. Divorce counsellors have advised people just coming out a divorce or break up, to exercise. Because exercising is a fantastic way to start feeling good about yourself after a difficult experience (either emotional or physical).
Not only is it cheap (you can go to the nearest gym and register, follow a routine that is good for you), it is fun-filled too. This is a proven method to boost moods and fight clinical depression.
Surprisingly, if you can stick to exercising, you will certainly start noticing changes in the ways you look and feel that increase your self-confidence and make it even easier to get over your heartbreak.
4. Accept it’s Your Past:
You should grieve, and at the same time, accept that it’s now your past. Honestly, it is never easy accepting that someone you loved dearly has moved on from you. Breaking up with someone you love hurts, and sometimes, our health deteriorates. It is like a thousand pins hitting your heart. There’s the urge to cry, to overthink, etc.
- Acceptance: First thing you need to do, in achieving peace and healing your heart after a hurtful breakup is accepting that it’s done, and grieving over it. Don’t give in to that weak part of your mind, planning to beg for reconciliation, because there are high chances that it could end the same way too.
- Crying Over it: Grieve… You are allowed to cry over it, and by doing so, you are allowing yourself to feel the full extent of the pains, futile future plans, etc. However, if you don’t grieve these pains of heartbreak, rather you choose to bottle it up, you may likely never accept fully that it’s done… Get past the pains and forge a new path for yourself.
- Past is in the Past: After grieving, accepting that what is done is done, you begin to heal by accepting the fact that the past cannot be dragged into the present. This is the first positive step in healing your heart.
- Six Stages of BreakUp: To stop thinking about someone you love deeply, then there is a need to go through the process/stages of break up. These include Shock and Denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, acceptance, and hope.
- Don’t Cross OVER to Depression: There’s a limit to grieving for a lost relationship. However, if you feel like you are going depressed, then we highly recommend you consider counseling or therapy to help you deal with this. Especially a therapist/counselor who specializes in separation and divorce counseling.
5. Hang Out More with Friends.
This is the period where friends are going to play a vital role in helping you move on, forget about your broken relationship, and help you to stop thinking about your ex. Most people who are in relationships tend to ignore their friends and spend more time with their significant others.
These things are not done intentionally. However, having good and mature friends who understand how this works, will welcome you and help you to forget and heal from the hurt.
Friends that will call you to hang out with them more often, and when you are having fun, etc, won’t allow you to drink-text your ex and do something your sober self will regret.
Shazia says this about spending more time with close friends:
“Discussing your ex with your friends, family or even yourself is going to make it much harder to forget them. But accepting that the relationship is gone and nothing can revive it, is important here too. Once you accept that the person you once loved is no longer interested or plays an important role in your life anymore, the better. Yes, we do know that missing someone who was very recently, close to us is natural, we need to acknowledge the fact that it’s done too. If you don’t, you might end up overflowing with emotions and oversharing with others.”